This is the one built on actual longitudinal data rather than clinical intuition, which is why it gets cited everywhere.
The Four Horsemen are the headline: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, stonewalling, with contempt as the single strongest predictor of divorce. The finding underneath is less quoted and more useful, which is that most conflict in a long relationship is perpetual and never gets solved. The question is whether you can discuss it without contempt, not whether you can resolve it.
Love maps and turning toward bids are the practical parts. Both are unglamorous and both are about paying attention on ordinary days rather than during fights.
Read January 2025.